How one widow found solace in Catholic traditions of death and dying

How one widow found solace in Catholic traditions of death and dying

How one widow found solace in Catholic traditions of death and dying

How one widow found solace in Catholic traditions of death and dying
Courtesy photo

Just as a well-lived Catholic existence is distinctive and distinguished, the same holds true for a Catholic passing.

Kendra Tierney Norton has experienced this firsthand.

In 2022, following almost 21 years of matrimony, Norton’s spouse, Jim Tierney, succumbed to cancer. Norton and Tierney were parents to 10 children, with the youngest just 2 years old at the time of Tierney’s passing.

How one widow found solace in Catholic traditions of death and dying
Courtesy photos

Having recently tied the knot again, Norton serves as the founder and CEO of Catholic All YearShe characterized this apostolate as “focused on assisting parents in incorporating Catholic traditions within their households.”

Norton discussed with Our Sunday Visitor regarding Tierney’s demise, along with the Catholic faith and customs that aided her family, both in Tierney’s last moments and throughout their mourning.

Keeping vigil

Norton attributes her capacity to select an alternative route from “our present Western culture” to the “grace of God,” which “leans towards attempting to maintain death “intimate and enduring private.”

“That was … a genuine moment of grace for me … a prompt from the Holy Spirit,” remarked Norton.

How one widow found solace in Catholic traditions of death and dying
Jim Tierney reads to his children.

She clarified that, after a change in Tierney’s condition, hospice arranged for a hospital bed to be placed in a shared space of their residence.

Due to her uncertainty regarding the duration of Tierney’s days, Norton hesitated to call off a homeschooling gathering she was scheduled to host at her home. As a result, the event took place, and families were informed of Tierney’s deteriorating state.

“Rather than it only being the mothers and the children, numerous fathers who were friends with Jim also attended,” stated Norton.

One of these fathers made an important contribution.

“He was raised in a large family and had familiarity with such vigils for death. And he was like, ‘Let’s gather everyone together and recite a Rosary,’” Norton stated.

This led to individuals gathering around Tierney’s bed to offer prayers. Norton remembered that this “established the atmosphere” for not having to stealthily converse in hushed tones. “We were able to be there collectively.”

Following that incident, Norton expanded her hospitality.

“It seemed significant for me to be able to communicate that,” stated Norton. “We informed individuals, ‘Simply walk through the door, and we’ll be in this room, and you’re invited to come and stop by and spend as much time as you wish.’”

This public invitation relieved Norton of “any obligation to arrange events.” It also created the image of Tierney being encircled by family and friends, praying during “his final days and hours.”

“Individuals would enter and exit, engaging in conversation with me, chatting with the children, approaching Jim for a talk, and then we would pray a Rosary together. It truly provided us an activity to bond over and something we could experience collectively. I will always hold deep appreciation for the role that the Rosary “had a role at the conclusion of Jim’s life,” she remarked.

Norton praised the Rosary as a particularly appropriate prayer for one’s final moments, highlighting the “designated time” needed to recite it, along with its clear conclusion. “If individuals are looking to progress, there is a conclusion, and they can depart,” she stated.

How one widow found solace in Catholic traditions of death and dying

A holy death

Acknowledging that Jesus’ demise was “harshly public,” Norton comprehends the desire for seclusion, which includes the intention to protect family members from being observed in a “fragile condition.”

Nonetheless, for her family, sharing the experience of Tierney’s passing with others was a gift.

“In our situation, it truly was an extraordinary experience for my children to witness — these are Jim’s companions, these are individuals who are invested in their father, who care about our family, who wish to assist us in this very tangible manner, during this significant time of need. Not merely delivering meals, but ‘We want to just be with you and share this burden with you“I believe that is a quite conventional Catholic perspective.”

How one widow found solace in Catholic traditions of death and dying

Being welcomed into another person’s last days on this planet is profoundly sacred territory. This also represents a personal encounter that is not prevalent in our current society. These factors might clarify the responses Norton has encountered.

“What astonishes me is the frequency with which individuals who attended have expressed their gratitude to our family for including them in this experience, emphasizing that it truly felt akin to a sacramental death. It seemed like a sacred death and a” happy death,” said Norton.

Public mourning

Another manner in which Norton opted to be open about the experience of Tierney’s death was her choice to wear black for the initial six months following his passing. This acted as a reminder to give herself space to mourn and to rediscover her “place in the world again.”

“My daily tasks remained the same, but internally, everything felt transformed, and it was incredibly beneficial for me to don all black and declare, ‘I am not who I once was.'”

How one widow found solace in Catholic traditions of death and dying

In this exercise, Norton indicated the sacraments as tactile manifestations of internal truths. “Due to our nature, we are corporeal entities, and thus I believe that a tangible depiction of an inner reality is quite beneficial for us,” she stated.

Although Norton recognized that for another individual, donning black might not be beneficial, that was not true for her. She stated that mourning rituals like this, or adorning an armband, were typical in “nearly every culture across the globe.”

In places where public displays of grief were prevalent, they served as indicators to show greater kindness towards others. “Wearing mourning attire was a sign that everyone recognized this individual was experiencing a difficult time,” she stated.

Norton suggested that our culture may have relinquished many of these customs due to a reluctance to confront death and sorrow. Nevertheless, the apprehension surrounding death, much like death itself, does not hold the ultimate say.

“If we truly hold the beliefs we claim to have, then death should not be something we dread,” Norton stated. “We understand how the tale concludes, and this knowledge grants us a strength in the face of death.”

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