At that moment, it genuinely felt enjoyable for me; I no longer required a superior and I could resign from my position to pursue anything I desired. I lacked any ethical guidelines and was primarily focused on myself. As it happened, I excelled remarkably at it and quickly rose to become one of the leading creators of this type of content. The fame, the thrill of power, the inflated self-image, the riches, the vanity, and the arrogance of it all were exhilarating. I could essentially persuade men to do anything I wished, and my lavish lifestyle was entirely financed by those I regarded as subservient. Each year, I consistently topped the lists of individuals producing this genre of content. I was continually urged to delve further into the lifestyle and embrace more extremity. I was compensated to travel throughout the country and participate in various adult content creator conventions, and things began to escalate from that point onward.

For nearly ten years … I must have created and shared over 2,000 videos. My responsibilities also included live webcam video sessions, tailored videos, and phone sex.

OSV News: How would you characterize the individuals engaged in that sector?

Solstad: At that moment, it seemed like an odd camaraderie. … Initially, it appeared that we were merely a cheerful, disordered family. I thrived on the admiration of these individuals (and) … to reach the pinnacle of the rankings in my field.

However, as time went on, I became increasingly withdrawn. I began to understand that I was uncertain about whom I could rely on. There was a significant amount of betrayal and, what I would now refer to as, adolescent drama. Additionally, some individuals within the industry were exceptionally spiteful and would divulge personal details about others to intimidate them. The entire field was filled with numerous individuals exhibiting unhealthy behaviors. And I’m not being judgmental, as I was equally in a poor state myself. … It was all quite bleak. The entire atmosphere turned truly unpleasant for me.

Eventually, the sector can feel quite isolating. However, in spite of the seclusion and the negative impacts, you nearly feel confined within the field … by the attractive earnings and … by the notion that I wouldn’t be able to pursue anything else with my life after dedicating so much time to this.

OSV News: How did your connections with your family and friends evolve during this period?

Solstad: This is a difficult question to respond to since I don’t have a large family. The family I do possess, I deceived about everything, so they were never aware of how I earned a living regardless. I lost numerous friends throughout my time in the adult industry. It seems that the more income I generated, the more alone I felt. I am working to change that now through my church community.

My mother genuinely wanted me to find joy in life. She was truly okay with my involvement in porn as long as I was content. Likewise, she supports my decision to leave porn as long as I am happy.

OSV News: When did you start pursuing a connection with God and distancing yourself from the industry?

Solstad: I experienced a terrible loss a few years back. During that period, I prayed more fervently than I ever had before. I sensed that Jesus was absent. I believed that God had abandoned me, and as a result, I did the same to Him.

Approximately a year prior, I was fortunate enough to visit Italy. … Most of the sites I aimed to explore were churches, as that’s where the remarkable art of Italy resides. However, as I stepped into these magnificent old basilicas, cathedrals, and churches, something shifted within me, and I started to value the art and the churches themselves for the theology they conveyed. It felt as though beauty was piercing my heart. … The crucifix was consistently prominent in all these Catholic churches. His gift to us was immediately evident as soon as I walked inside a church. For reasons I still cannot articulate, I found myself kneeling down to make the sign of the cross upon entering and leaving the churches.

In Sorrento and Rome, I recall encountering the Virgin Mary at street corners everywhere. … It was an otherworldly experience, yet I genuinely sensed that Mary was reaching out to me. … I felt driven to find her. I wished to acknowledge her and request her assistance with the repercussions of the misfortune that had previously taken place in my life. In Assisi … I knelt beside (St. Clare’s) grave and once more requested help.

OSV News: What actions did you take upon your return to the U.S.?

Solstad: Upon returning home, I swiftly understood that I was dissatisfied with the way my life had unfolded. … I felt repulsive and ashamed of the work I had engaged in for ten years. I couldn’t cease reflecting on all the actions I had taken and all the lives I had adversely impacted through pornography. I felt revolting.

Concurrently, I began visiting a lovely historic Catholic church nearby fairly frequently in an effort to rekindle the emotions I experienced in Italy. A short time after, I arranged a meeting and conversed extensively with a priest.

That’s the moment everything truly transformed for me. Among numerous other things, he shared that God cared for me and desires my happiness. When he expressed this, it felt as though I was enveloped by a comforting glow, similar to the sun shining for the first time in years. I sensed that perhaps I could be complete once more. It felt like a transcendent hug, as if someone was reassuring me that all would be well from now on. I began to weep, and I genuinely haven’t ceased since.

I have come to realize that Jesus consistently provides answers. prayers, simply not in the manner you desire or anticipate. He responded to my fervent prayers long ago during the most significant sorrow of my life by guiding me to his church, helping me to recognize the reality of the overwhelming sins I was indulging in, encouraging me to develop in virtue and to reject sin so that I could be united with him and my departed loved one in paradise. I am immensely thankful now, and my heart is perpetually filled.

OSV News: What words would you offer to those who might feel distant from the Lord yet desire to find Him?

Solstad: Just go for it! Just reach out to him! … Individuals appear to hesitate in connecting with the Lord due to feelings of unworthiness. That was my belief about myself, but I was mistaken. It’s similar to working out. You need to motivate yourself to begin, and then the outcomes follow.

Take action immediately. Cease reading this article. Shut your eyes and pray. … The reality is that he cares for you more than anyone else possibly could, and he desires a connection with you.